3 Hangover Cures That Just Don’t Work

by Jessica Lakes

A hangover can be really nasty. Like, truly nasty. It can be unspeakably nasty that we’ll do anything to find a hangover cure that saves us from our sickness and helps us to get through the day. After all, nobody enjoys that splitting headache when you first open your eyes. Nobody likes seeing the room spin as soon as you lift your head up from your pillow. And definitely none of us enjoy plonking our face down the toilet for most of the day.

A hangover can make you feel so rotten that you end up spending the part of the day away from the toilet typing “hangover cures” into Google. You’re led a merry dance from one website to another, where riches are promised and where frustrations are felt at every corner. Some guy promises you the “best hangover cure known to man” but it just doesn’t work for you. You come across some obscure Indian hangover cure that involves herbal remedies, before getting so desperate after vomiting for the fourth time that you even indulge in a southern African remedy that involves witchcraft.

None of these work. None of the “tried and tested” formulas we’re about to look at work either, because the fact of the matter is that a hangover day is damage limitation day. All you can do is try to ease your hangover, while the only way to prevent it from ever occurring in the first place is to shun the Jagerbombs the night before.

Hair of the Dog 

The idea of the Hair of the Dog is that you have a drink of what you had the night before because it will, somehow, dull the pain. This idea comes from an old medieval wives tale, in which folk were recommended to pluck a hair off the dog that had bit them and ingest it so as to ward off any nasty diseases, such as rabies.

In reality, that doesn’t work and neither does downing a Bloody Mary at 9AM the next day. If anything, we call this “sheer desperation.” Okay, it is true that Hair of the Dog temporarily numbs the pain, but note the word temporarily. All you are doing is delaying the hangover, putting it off for another hour. Instead, you should just take it like a man.

Greasy Breakfast 

The idea of shoving a load of fatty grub down your neck the morning after, such as sausages and eggs, is so that it will absorb any linger alcohol. But the thing is, the alcohol has already gone!

It is true, though, that you should look to eat something so that you have enough energy to keep on doing battle with the hangover. Otherwise, you’re just gonna feel empty and the nausea will continue.


For some reason, many people swear by having a cup of Joe the morning after a night on the sauce. A single cup by itself doesn’t really do much, though. It makes you slightly more alert, and it can be helpful if you’ve got to be at work, but we recommend drinking at least three cups because coffee is a diuretic like alcohol, and could make you feel more dehydrated than you already do.

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