5 Signs You’ve Got Awesome Semen

by Jessica Lakes

We all want swimmers that can swim. We all want our little boys to be able to find the target, and we all want ‘em to make daddy proud. But how do we know that our sperm is in shape? How do we know our semen isn’t going to disappoint us? How do we know its quality is high, and that they’re going to make it to the other side?

There is a surefire way of doing this, and that’s by taking a trip to the doc’s. But if you don’t fancy doing that, but still want to know whether your swimmers are as strong as Michael Phelps, there are other ways you can gauge this.

You Have No Gut 

If you’ve got a gut around your belly, there is a big chance that your semen is unhealthy too. Recent research in Holland has shown that men with a waist of more than 40” have a much lower sperm count than men with a more reasonable-sized waist. There is as yet no reason given as to why being fat means your swimmers are less agile, but there is a theory that the spare tire inhibits the proper release of sex hormones.

You Don’t Look Manly 

All your life you’ve probably been pissed off that you don’t look anything like Sly Stallone. You’ve heard it all the time from your pals and your partners; “boy, you’ve got such a feminine face.”

And it’s really pissed you off no end.

But while we’d be forgiven for assuming that manly-looking men have strong semen, Spanish and Finnish research has actually come to the opposite conclusion. It is, in fact, more feminine-looking guys that have stronger swimmers.

The explanation is one that is hard to swallow, though, and it’s purely theoretical: Basically, feminine-looking men have higher concentrations of semen because they devote more energy to reproductive resources and less to secondary sexual traits, such as masculinity.


You Love Fish 

If you love fish, your boys can swim.

If, on the other hand, you’re partial to processed meat, you’ve probably got very few able-bodied swimmers that are up to the task. It has been proven that guys who eat lots of fish have a higher sperm count – 65% higher, in fact.

The researchers say that it is fish’s high concentration of omega-3’s which produces more sperm.

So, if you’re looking to gather together a bigger army of sperm, you know what you’ve gotta do.

You Wear Boxers 

Tight briefs feel tight, and you might be quite proud of the way they wrap themselves around your manhood. At the same time, though, they’re suffocating your boys. A UK study has shown that if you wear tight-fitting briefs, you’ll have a 24% less likely chance of having a high sperm count.

According to study author Andrew Povey, Ph.D, “Loose-fitting underwear may result in lower scrotal temperatures compared to tight-fitting underwear, hence an improvement in semen quality.”

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