We all lie. You lie, I lie, the guys in your office lie. Presidents lie, emperors lie, newspapers lie. Even your mother is prone to the odd white lie.
“You look great!” she says to you on your first school day, despite dressing you up like a curious mix of Walter the Softy from Dennis the Menace and Milhouse Van Houten.
Indeed, you look more like a cartoon character than an actual human being.
And we’ve gotta break this to you – even doctors lie. We’re not just saying this, and we’re not making it up. The truth is that, every now and then, doctors tell little – or potentially big – porkies. Not necessarily because they want to lie to you, but sometimes it’s just part of the job. Sometimes they lie because they’re stressed, or sometimes they lie because they want to soften the hammer blow that is delivered by the always awkward line “YOU’RE GONNA DIE SOON”.
I’ve Seen This HUNDREDS Of Times!
So you’ve got a really scary lesion that’s actually pretty big and you’re paranoid about it. You’ve never seen one before in your life and when you type “big scary lesion” into Google, the biggest image result is no where near as humongous as yours.
So you feel oh so much better when doc tells you that he’s seen this hundreds of times.
“Are you kidding me? I see one every day!” he says jovially.
You feel SO much better.
Unfortunately, this is often a lie. When you’ve got something that’s clearly so unusual that no doctor in the world has seen it hundreds of times, you know they’re lying when they tell you they have. Of course, they’re trotting this line out so as to not to terrify you, which is not always a bad thing.
Everything’s Going To Be Just Fine
This is part lie and part hope. Because doctor’s really do want everything to be just fine, and not only do they want to convince you of this, they also want to convince themselves too. After all, they don’t want you to be seriously ill from cancer; they want you to be just fine. And by saying this, they’re helping you maintain a positive mindset, which is always handy when you’re battling a serious illness.
The trouble is that when a doctor says everything is going to be just fine, they don’t actually know for sure.
This Won’t Hurt One Bit
Yep, this is definitely a lie.
But still, it’s better than being told “This is going to cause you so much pain, dude. So much pain that you’ll wish you were never born.”
Doctors probably just can’t help themselves with this one, it just slips out once they get the needle out. It’s a habit.
You’re Making Good Progress
Like the classic “everything’s going to be just fine” line, this one is part lie and part hope. There may also be a pinch of truth to it too, because in reality it essentially means that you haven’t gone backwards.You might not have gone forwards – but at least you’re not regressing.
