Let’s Talk Dirty Talk

lovers in bed, talking dirty talk

A great way to get you and your partner into the mood for sex is dirty talk. However, there are pitfalls galore. It’s a minefield, with each phrase a potential death knell to your efforts if you don’t go in with a plan. You need to have open communication about communicating or the whole thing could fall apart. And you don’t want to block off dirty talk — the results can be mind-blowing. Dirty talk exercises senses and parts of your brain that are rarely utilized during sex and can get you and your partner engaged and present during sex in ways that you hadn’t considered before.

 

Timing is everything when it comes to dirty talk.

You don’t want to just jump all the way in right away when you’re in a brand new relationship, sharing your dirtiest thoughts. Start out relatively clean, talk about what you want from them right then, or explore what you’re already doing at that time to engage them and get them and you present in that moment. Don’t go too exotic as you don’t want to do anything to create conflict in the heat of the moment.

 

While imagination is very helpful to sexual stimulation, it’s a rarely used tool when it comes to the actual act of sex.

Man talking with sexy woman on the streetIn the heat of the moment, it’s difficult to utilize that part of the brain. There are so many other things to focus on. But you’ll notice that dirty talk during the actual act of sex can make what you’re doing feel even better. That’s because you are stimulating erogenous zones that are typically woefully ignored. You’re engaging your brain in a way that it’s just not used to. You’re utilizing senses that are typically not used in a sexual way and your brain loves it.

 

Your brain craves new stimulants.

Repetition over time makes things bland and boring. Even things that — when you first encounter them — are initially exciting and get your heart pumping, if experienced day and night, over and over again, ad nauseum, will eventually become pat and boring. You need throw your brain a bone every once in a while. And dirty talk is one way to do that.

The sense of hearing is not really used during sex. Touch, taste, sight — those are the big ones. Hearing. Not as much. But hearing engages the frontal cortex, which is also the portion of your brain in charge of pleasure. It’s the perfect sense to engage for sex.

 

Dirty talk is also great for building confidence and exhibiting consent.

If your partner is telling you their dirtiest, steamy thoughts, it gives you insight on their fantasies, and also let’s you know what they’re in the mood for — their likes and dislikes. Dirty talk is a form of communication and communication is key in any relationship. Through dirty talk, you can illuminate deep, perhaps darker fantasies — ones that you might feel some shame over — but by getting them out into the light, you can share them with your significant other who may be willing to indulge you in exploring those things. They might just love — or at the very least learn to love — them just as much as you do.

 

Being on the same page with dirty talk is an important aspect of it.

Dirty talk won’t turn anyone on if you’re crossing lines that they aren’t ready for yet. Explore boundaries and push them, but don’t break them right away. And as you go along, you can push them more. Outside of sex, you can talk about about what worked, what didn’t and what else you’d like to explore in the future. Basically, you want to talk about dirty talk with your partner, which may seem awkward, but in the long run, it’ll be well worth the ground work and effort.

 

One of the best benefits is that it engages the female brain in a way that makes it more likely that she will be able to reach orgasm.

Women are the key demographic for erotica and romance novels while men are the main target for pornography. A big part of the reason for this has to do with the way we absorb sexual content and are turned on. Men are more visual and physical. Women tend to have more active imaginations when it comes to sex and are turned on by the exercise of their imagination. Hearing your dirty talk is a big turn on for them, and empirical data supports the fact that dirty talk makes it more likely that they will reach orgasm. This information can benefit you in the bedroom and make you a more skilled lover.

 

Of course, you don’t have to limit your dirty talk to just the boudoir.

woman in lingerie and heels talking on phone in bed

Phone sex and texting are great forms of dirty talk that can help you and your partner explore each other’s sexuality and sexual do’s and don’t’s. Sexting can be a great way to dip your toe into dirty talk without having to take the full plunge right away. There’s something more abstract about sexting. Plus, the written word gives you more time to think over what you’re saying and how you’re saying it to control how it may be received. Of course, timing is everything. Make sure that she’s not doing something where the sexts might get her in trouble (though that could also be part of the fun).

 

Once you get into the swing of things, you’ll find that the open and honest communication involved with dirty talk can get the two of you in the mood in a flash. Having that instant moment of consent lowers stress and anxiety about overstepping your bounds. Make sure to keep an eye out for signs of discomfort with the practice, and then talk about where it may have gone wrong and why. Don’t just give up at the first sign of resistance because the results, in the end, will be totally worth it — for both of you.

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